


At Arm's Length

by fujinumasatorus



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Hyungwon POV, Kihyun and Hyungwon are brothers, M/M, Mafia Boss!Kihyun, inspired by a twitter prompt, mafia!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujinumasatorus/pseuds/fujinumasatorus
Summary: He would never call himself a fool, but maybe his ignorance is within reason?Because how could he have noticed in his world of underground crime and business that the leader of the family,his brother, would fall in love.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon & Yoo Kihyun, Lee Hoseok | Wonho & Yoo Kihyun, Lee Hoseok | Wonho/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	At Arm's Length

**Author's Note:**

> it's been awhile!! trying something different with an outside POV 
> 
> this fic was inspired by a twt prompt i saw which i cant find again ;A;
> 
> not beta read sorry for the spelling errors
> 
> thank you for reading!

Maybe it should have come to him sooner, because now he feels like the last person in the world who knows.

It isn’t obvious, really. But now that he knows it blares loudly over his head, it burns so brightly it’s unthinkable not to have seen it before. It wasn’t obvious at first, but for who he is, it should have been.

Hyungwon's senses are sharp, meticulously tuned to not miss any sort of fundamental detail, even while going against a shrinking timer. He’s on constant alert out of caution, needing to work carefully and thoroughly. Any opening that reveals itself has to be overtaken with a swift, unwavering hand. If he doesn’t, it could mean his loss.

Growing up in a family of underground business made him as he is. During meetings, if anyone steps out of line he’ll draw his weapon, and end who dares get brave. If there’s a whisper of foul play, his ears have to catch it, and use the facts to their advantage. 

He has been raised to do all of this and more. With little time to mourn his lost youth, he adapts, learns, and accepts his position. Family first, whether blood or the makeshift coalition his late father has dragged them all into.

He likes to think the persistent messages of loyalty and care keep them all from turning to mindless, violent robots. Work can just be work, but never forget everyone by his side.

He still wants his heart. 

He just learns to think with his head first and foremost.

That is why for all his logic and instincts, he should have picked up on the ripple before the rock even hit the water. The mineral isn’t just magically skipped across a pond. It’s found, polished, raised, and thrown by someone skilled. 

There is a set up for it all, something to lead up the grand stage.

Instead, he’s been left at the edge of the water, the back of the room. In his standstill, he finds the rest of the crowd staring back at him. All eyebrows are raised, snickers are poorly covered, they all watch with an arrogance only in place from looking down on another. 

_Is he really just finding out?_

He would never call himself a fool, but maybe his ignorance is within reason?

Because how could he have noticed in his world of underground crime and business that the leader of the family, _his brother_ , would fall in love.

-

At first, he’s not sure. 

Running a business while managing so many subordinates doesn’t exactly leave any room to build up a romantic relationship.

Kihyun takes over the business at 23 and becomes nothing but the center of a device, controlling all functions with no mistake. His design is the newest, well oiled, blemish free. He replaces all issues that came about from before. Everyone was proud of their father of course, for building up such a prestigious unit, but something went wrong. And Kihyun is determined to correct it. 

Headstrong, he spends every second dedicating himself to work. He has to know the purpose of every unit, and every member they comprise of. He becomes an expert on the alliances and their promises, not leaving a single footnote unread. It’s not that he was oblivious before, rather he’s been raised to take over such a position from the time he could speak. Just now, everything is actually in his hands.

Because of his young age, whispers of doubt filter through the meetings before his instatement. Everyone knows the work Kihyun does, knows how strong he is, _but is he ready?_ is what they wonder.

For as quiet as the words are spoken, he hears them all. He looks to their doubts, draws a sword to them and tears them down one by one to prove they were all mistaken. As easy as it sounds for him to accomplish, underneath it all is a troublesome toll.

The mask he wears refuses to show a single crack of fear or unreliability. His front is so well secured, it’s as if it’s not a cover at all and rather now his whole personality. He doesn’t cry, doesn’t waver, and instead puts the foundation over himself.

Hyungwon finds it disheartening that his brother could go so stoic. He’d be cold, hard metal if it weren’t for his fits of anger. They are the few times when there’s a light in his eyes, a burning flame that terrorizes him as he watches. Scouring for some optimism about the situation, it reminds him he can feel.

Kihyun never goes to him in the times he struggles the most, but he supposes he doesn’t have to. There are a few people near Kihyun’s age who he grows up with that share the same destiny as he. Hoseok, Hyunwoo, and Minhyuk. All people who Kihyun trusts with his life. They all seem to grow even closer as they are officially admitted, knowing it’ll be them who eventually lead the organization.

Kihyun mostly goes to Hyungwon in the times when he needs to get away from the business. It doesn’t bother him. They are siblings, after all. Hyungwon is involved as well in the business, but much less, and doesn’t hold nearly the same position. He has a place, training for it just like any other. When Kihyun decides to move him around, he’ll accept it. He trusts his brother knows best, just as he hopes the rest do.

In only a few months he earns the respect of everyone. What better way to do so than turning to steel? It has to be that way he understands. What he needs to prove is that he can be an unyielding pillar, built so strong the foundation will never crumble or crack. But watching him turn into that shell doesn’t hurt any less.

It works. Now, they look up to him in the same way they saw their father before him.

It takes awhile for some of the life in his eyes to return. Almost a year. That, Hyungwon does notice immediately. He feels relief. He feels happy. His position is secure, and he’s himself. Or, at least, learning to be once again.

They eventually joke together as they did before. He breaks out the smile that has strangers melting in his palms. Once in a while, everyone jokes about how anal he had been. And he’s not bothered by it.

Things are normal again.

But soon enough, something new comes about, that Hyungwon never knew was there before. 

-

While the room clears, Hyungwon stays seated on top one of the file cabinets in the back corner. He waits to go home with his brother, as the pair still lives in their childhood home. It’s secure, well protected, ultimately the best place to keep their mother safe when she’s around, because no one’s bold enough to attack. 

They have a formal office downtown, fit for a dozen or so at a time. It’s a cover as a small business, that’s been built up enough they actually make money off of it. But during the evenings, and in cases of emergency, general meetings take place. Information changes, not everyone needs to be in attendance, but the one thing that stands firm is Kihyun in the main seat, leading them all.

The elder barks out a final order, dismissing the last of the group. The past few weeks have been quiet for the lot, and he’s not worried himself. Of all things the streets are peaceful, especially considering they managed to take down a targeted attack. From here out they need to prepare for what comes next; they can’t so easily let down their guard.

The night is nothing different than he’s experienced before. Hoseok and a few others linger in the room. Through the walls, discussions of tomorrow’s plan can be heard as the people shuffle out. It’s far quieter inside, but hums of conversation come from everyone left. Soon the voices fizzle out as everyone leaves the main lobby. The street lights shine a soft white outside of the window due to the late hours. Hoseok starts to hover near the back desk while the rest grab their belongings. 

Nothing is out of the ordinary, until he looks over to his brother.

Just above the edge of a low set, mahogany desk, Hoseok’s hand reaches for his brother’s. The act is hardly noticeable. In fact, he would have missed it himself if he hadn’t picked his head up at the right second. Hyungwon catches the touch, following it with his eyes as they slip under and curl around his palm.

Looking up, Hoseok’s lips move, subtle and slow. The words that escape aren’t more than a whisper as they tear through the air. He still hears _“I trust you, always”,_ while no one else does.

Why of all reasons would he reach for his hands? Could he have meant to grab his forearm instead? Does reaching for him mean the same as it would just patting his back? But why would he grab for him at all? 

Hoseok is kind, affectionate, but towards Kihyun of all people? The man who tends to set up a wall against everyone in his life? And for his brother to just accept being touched?

In the midst of processing what the gesture could mean, Kihyun rips his fingers away, pulling them towards himself, out of the grasp. He’s back to guarding himself as he expects, but he still doesn’t lash out at the gesture.

Kihyun’s eyebrows furrow in tune with his signature glare, but Hyungwon knows he’s not really angry. His anger is clear, topped off with reddened ears and, if possible, fictional steam. The desk would go flying. 

Hoseok winks of all things, and while Kihyun rolls his eyes, the corner of his mouth tilts up. Amused, maybe? But more notably, he’s not upset. Hyungwon would choke, had he not been so used to staying silent.

The moment passes so quickly, as if the atmosphere never changed. He blinks, finding both of their expressions serious again. 

The few others in the room still speak freely, unaware of what he just witnessed. But then again, none are facing Kihyun’s direction. Hoseok grabs his bag, finally. Kihyun tells them once more to have a good night and get home safely. And then they’re alone.

Kihyun does the same and collects his things all while Hyungwon stays unmoving on the shelf. 

Nothing really happened, right? He’s just overthinking it. Besides, the two are friends, and have been for years. It shouldn’t be odd that they are comfortable with one another.

“Hyungwon? Are you coming?” his brother interrupts him.

“Yeah. I just spaced out for a second.”

He finally hops off of the high shelf. His ankles sting as they land, but he ignores it as he follows close behind his brother trying to not to dwell on what he saw.

-

His brother knows when to be serious. He’s strict in all times of business, knowing he needs to uphold the type of image that can be respected. He dresses formally, with tailored suits and high-end cuff links. Minhyuk and Hoseok laugh at him from time to time, but he reminds them he feels most comfortable when he looks the part. Soon after he’ll criticize their lack of formal wear. It’s a back and forth that never ends, but is never ill-intended.

When Kihyun let’s himself loose in those rare moments, Hyungwon feels his own shoulders drop. It’s relieving, knowing he can remove himself from the stiff pillars of business, even for a second.

They’re in a bar filled with Kihyun’s friends, the ones who know of his affairs, and as many from the company that can fit in the building. The night is pleasant enough without a coat, but everyone inside the room makes it stuffy. Drinks are ordered round after round, as if it’s their last night to drink, and there’s no choice other than to bask in it without a care.

With how lively the crowd is, Hyungwon thought he would be in similar spirits, but that’s not the case. Sometimes he feels removed from it all, mostly the company, that he’s only there because of Kihyun, but it’s overall something he can’t pinpoint. Their father didn’t push him to get involved at first, he did it himself. Maybe to give himself a purpose. 

He doesn’t regret it, but he has times like this. Where he just watches. Not feeling like a participant even though he’s thrust in the middle of it all.

The celebration is enough to keep him in a decent mood. The room temperature grows warmer, and the alcohol sure doesn’t help. Flushes cross the guests faces with every sip. He gives in and has a few drinks himself, enough to temporarily pull him out of his depressive thoughts.

“I would like to make a toast,” Hoseok shouts a few hours into the evening. The crowd quiets down one by one, not without a few smacks in the back of the head. “To the man who leads us everyday without fail.”

The silence ends right after it's begun, with a roar of applause and whistles, so he has to shush them once more.

“Hoseok stop, you’re embarrassing.”

Kihyun doesn’t sound as stern as he could, being a few drinks and many shots in. The crowd refuses to take his side, instead talking back. It all mumbles together, but the message is clear from the loudest voices. 

_Give the speech! There’s no need to be humble! Let the man speak!_

He settles soon enough, and Hoseok graciously takes the floor once more. 

“Yoo Kihyun, our young boss. Strong mentally and physically. The man who works three times as hard as anyone here to know we’re all safe.”

Kihyun slaps his hand over his face, but Hyungwon can still see his smile shining through the spaces between his fingers. He reaches over to his brother, twisting him in his chair to face the speaker. He shakes his shoulders as his laughs along. 

“We’re all here now because you successfully closed another deal. And some of the people here, I know they don’t want to admit it, because then they won’t be around much longer wink wink, had doubts if it would go through. But, I… we have the utmost faith in you. And have the world of thanks to give.”

A few more whistles ring through.

“You act like I do this alone,” Kihyun throws in. He certainly doesn’t like taking the credit for himself and no one else. Pride in his position doesn’t equate to being a tyrant.

“You are our boss, please. You have to give yourself that.”

“I know that, I’m just saying-“

“And,” Hoseok drags out the word. “You wouldn’t be our boss if we didn’t trust you wholeheartedly. And for that, we drink to you.”

Someone shoves a glass into Kihyun’s hand, and then his own. They’re surrounded from every angle. The shouts go to the roof. More glasses are poured. He’s in the center of a renaissance painting, one that needs hours just to see every detail.

In the midst of the chaos, something makes him stop. Next to his brother, from Hoseok, he hears _“I trust you, always.”_

-

Slumber evades him at the most inconvenient of times. The hours pass, the ticking wall clock blares louder with each second. It rings in his ears until he grabs a plush pillow and slams it over his head.

It’s another thing that doesn’t happen often. He has trouble sleeping every little while, but the nights where he sits and stares without a reason parade in, having him question why it has to happen at all.

His room sits on the first floor of their home, wide and spacious. The moonlight filters through, bringing in a single strip of white across the dark, wooden floor. Tangent to the window rests his bed against the wall. He rests in soft sheets, an excessive amount of pillow, even has a portable heater that always keeps him warm. 

He still can’t sleep.

All at once his mind is empty and full. There are no answers to anything he wants to ask, but then again, he doesn’t know what to ask. His mind searches for something wrong, and when there’s nothing to find, it refuses to give in and accept unwarranted anxiousness.

He’s lost. 

But it’s nothing at all. He settles the feeling by saying he just can’t sleep.

Maybe he’s actually avoiding questions, ones that haven’t even formed. He bites at his lips, pretending the strange behavior from Hoseok and his brother isn’t bothering him.

How long have they been this close? And why didn’t he notice before? Doesn’t his brother trust to tell him anything? Unless their relationship is nothing, and he’s playing himself to try and turn everything catastrophic. 

Suddenly needing water to relieve his dry mouth, he pulls off his comforter and pillows to go to the kitchen. His steps are soft, hitting the floor without a sound, as not to wake anyone else.

Both his brother and mother stay on the upper floors. But only Kihyun is upstairs since their mother decided to take an extended trip with her sister. 

He finds a stream of light hitting the wall as he walks from his bedroom. Strange. He’s been awake all night, and hasn’t heard a thing. No one should be inside, but still he walks slow, prepared for anything to come. 

Peeking his head in the back entryway, he finds the fridge is open. A second later it closes slowly to expose a wide upper frame.

“Hoseok?” He calls unconsciously, after recognizing his silhouette. 

The other’s reflexes are quick, Hoseok spins, hand already on his hip ready to draw a weapon, except he doesn’t have one. 

Hyungwon’s learned to be quick, too, he backs up and mirrors the action. He doesn’t think Hoseok would actually hurt him, but clearly he’s thrown and could act on impulse.

Hoseok breathes a sigh of relief first, lowering his shoulders and raising his arms to show his empty hands. There’s no danger. 

“Hyungwon, what are you doing awake at this hour?”

“What are you doing here?” he bypasses the question. As if he shouldn’t be awake in his own home.

Hoseok’s been in his house before, many times for meetings, dinners, and small deliveries. All time he’s welcome, but it’s nearing 4 in the morning. And he’s in their kitchen. Shirtless.

“My place wasn’t safe for the night. Your brother is letting me sleep on the couch.”

“He didn’t tell me.”

Neither of them live the type of life where surprises should arise. Yet, he is startled finding the man.

“He probably didn’t think it would be a problem?”

Hoseok's sounds as unsure as he feels. The excuse makes sense, at least.

“Still, I don’t know why he wouldn’t. Especially if something like this could have happened.”

“I wouldn’t have hurt you, I swear. You just startled me.”

“I believe you.”

Where is loyalty without trust.

“Really, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“

“Hoseok! What are you being so loud for?” A harsh whisper cuts him off. “Do you want to wake.. Hyungwon. You’re awake.”

Too distracted by Hoseok, he hadn’t even heard his brother head down the stairs.

“I got up to get water.” 

He’s not sure what else to say. But he is waiting for someone to speak. He sort of wants an explanation.

“I told you to be quiet,” Kihyun starts again at Hoseok, voice irritated.

“I was already awake,” Hyungwon tells them.

The pair’s eyes flick towards each other and back.

“So it wasn’t us? Me?”

Kihyun smacks his pecs, shutting him up. 

“No, it wasn’t.” Hyungwon looks between the two, still lost his brother wouldn’t tell him something like this. “I didn’t know Hoseok was sleeping on the couch. Does everyone know your house isn’t safe?”

“I told Hyungwon you’re letting me sleep on the couch because I didn’t think it would be safe to go back tonight,” Hoseok explains.

“I was surprised you didn’t tell me.”

“I thought you were asleep or I would have mentioned it.”

Though snappy a minute before, Kihyun has calmed. Hyungwon wonders why Kihyun is, and he isn’t.

“Still, you could have mentioned something. I didn’t know he was here. What if something happened. For a second we almost…” 

He should trust his brother, but he has his moments where he puts up a fight.

“Almost what?”

“I startled your brother. It was my fault.”

“It wouldn’t have happened if you had told me.”

Out of character, the elder doesn’t take the bait. His eyes show worry, but his expression doesn’t shift. 

“Then next time I will tell you..” 

He’s dissatisfied, but shouldn’t start an argument.

“And does everyone know?”

“It was late. I had no need to concern them over a small precaution. Now go back to bed.”

He won’t get anything. Not now, he can tell.

“Can I get a blanket?” Hoseok asks.

Kihyun rolls his eyes, then turns back to the stairway. 

“Come with me to get one. And you should be asleep, even if there’s no meeting tomorrow.”

Leaving him alone, the two head up to the second floor. He stares back up at his ceiling again, mouth still dry, remembering he got up to get water. 

-

From then on, he can’t help but watch Hoseok and Kihyun. He can’t get the nature of their relationship out of his mind. It’s like he wants to find something between the pair who have known each other all their lives.

Whenever they’re close, they share small gestures. Kihyun pulls away sometimes, or pushes back, but never with a drip of anger or annoyance.

He watches how Kihyun acts with Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. Even with the more affectionate of the two, it isn’t the same. Everything between them is a stand alone, reserved for them and only them.

And while there’s nothing wrong with it, it bothers him to not have an answer for it. He searches for it, but how long can he keep searching for something that can be answered so simply.

There’s one thing that he’s avoided considering. 

It’s passed over his mind time and time again, but he refuses to ponder such a possibility. Maybe it’s because he’s never thought of it for himself? An almost foreign feeling. The fact that it’s a concept not meant for those in their business weighs heavily as he reaches the line.

The longer it goes on, the closer he gets to losing his mind.

-

“Do you love Hoseok?”

For as much as he tries, he cannot escape the prospect. 

On one side, the thought of them two together still seems unimaginable. When would their feelings have started? When do they make time for their relationship? Is it normal, when they have the business to focus on first and foremost? 

How did their feelings stray from being boss and subordinate?

Kihyun is a leader, in charge of dozens. It’s a hierarchy too sturdy to tumble. Hoseok is the dedicated lackey, giving his life to protect the foundation which has not once fallen in all its time. He doesn’t want to use harsh words, or degrade anyone below Kihyun, but isn’t that the reality when it comes down to it?

On the other side, his brother deserves a happy, healthy, long lasting relationship. For as much as he puts into others, he should be given the same respect and care back.

Maybe it does make sense?

Hoseok and Kihyun have known each other since they were children. They have been best friends, by each other’s side even when it was made very clear they would fall on the path of a leader and a follower. The structure will always have value, but everyone working will prioritize the man holding it all together, even if subconsciously. 

But before there were rules, before there were positions, it was the two of them growing in the world. 

Hyungwon was always younger, and he played with them too, but at the end of the day, he was the younger child pulled away. He’s almost never on the same wavelength. Because of that, he’s missed it all along. The realization that they have the chance to be something more than their titles.

The two grew up on the already formed path without losing each other. Not when it was declared in their early teens Kihyun would eventually take over. Not when their father actually did pass. Not when Kihyun turned into a hardened shell of man just to prove he could handle the title of a boss.

He should have seen it.

He’s more disappointed in himself than anything. That he could have missed something like this. He worries his senses aren’t as tuned as they should be. 

He has nothing left but the want to know for sure.

Kihyun sits at his desk, busy with piles of paperwork. So he picks a bad time, but he doesn’t remember the last time they had a free moment together. He takes it.

Only for a second does Hyungwon see the fumble in his writing. Hyungwon is good at keeping his reactions under wraps, after all, he learned from the best. 

“Why are you asking me that?”

Just to know he isn’t losing his mind. Just to know that his brother can trust him something like this. Just to know there’s more to life than existing as a syndicate’s instrument.

“I know you care about everyone here, but even then there’s some distance. But everyone’s different,” he tries, quickly realizing he should have planned what he wanted to say beforehand. “They’re not disposable pawns, but anything could happen. In the end, it’s because of the business we’re in.”

Kihyun wouldn’t want anyone to be harmed, or god forbid die, clearly. He works hard everyday to make sure such a thing doesn’t happen. But, is Hoseok someone that means even more than the typical concern? 

If he were hurt, would Kihyun just be upset at a lost comrade? Or would he be devastated, his heart shattered at losing someone so dear?

“What are you getting at here?”

“Hoseok isn’t someone you’d ever let be disposed of.”

“Of course not. We grew up together. And I work to keep everyone alive.”

He knows that.

“But that’s not all.”

“Not all what? Are you saying I value some more than others?”

“You tell me. You two seem different.”

Tell him. _Be honest._ Let him know there’s something more than the empty confines of their world.

“As opposed to?”

“Business.”

“Why are you even asking this?”

“I don’t know.”

But he does.

“Is there something wrong with me treating everyone as the people they are?”

“I didn’t say caring was a problem.”

“Good. I don’t care for someone more than any other person. Everyone here has a place and purpose. And yes this work is dangerous, but it’s my job to make it so we all stay alive.”

“So he’s not different.”

“No he’s not. Hoseok is the same as any other person here. Just like I, just like you, he’s nothing more, and never will be because that’s the world we’ve been put into. We’ll live in our places and die there.”

It’s not what he wants to hear. The confrontation was on a downward spiral from the start. There’s no friendly back and forth or teasing quips like any other time. They’re both frustrated, anger rising rapidly.

“So we’re just all pawns and this is a board game.”

“What else do you think it is? We were placed here with no other choice. We don’t pick and choose how to be raised. When we’re told to throw away every possible feeling we care to possess, we have to, because guess what? They’re worthless.”

They’re lost in a shouting match. Hyungwon’s fear that his brother has no feelings begins to bubble up, but he knows it’s not true. He wouldn’t be so broken saying what he is if it were.

As the door creaks open, he goes on. 

“So you don’t love him?”

“Hoseok and I are nothing,” he spits, slamming a fist onto his desk as a final say.

Superstitions offer proof of themselves at the worst of times. How else would it be that the exact man they’re speaking about, could walk into the room.

Hoseok’s jaw falls open as he blinks between the two. The grip on the papers he holds tighten, crinkling beneath the ends of his nails. The loud echoes of their shouts in the room are suddenly overpowered by a much stronger, sickening silence.

“Hoseok,” his brother stutters out before his expression hardens. “What did I say about knocking before entering?”

For that to come next, the blood rushes to his head all over again. Why? Why would he say that? But there’s no time to throw a fist.

“I didn’t mean to..”

“We’re having a private conversation.”

“I see that now.”

“Then if you know that you shouldn’t be barging in. This isn’t your business.”

Kihyun’s eyes refuse to break. He glares.

“It won’t happen again. I know what’s not meant for me. I shouldn’t have heard anything.”

The swallow is audible. Hyungwon dares a peak to Kihyun. In a second, his own anger dissipates, realizing the tension has shifted. Hoseok is the one truly angry.

Neither Hoseok or Kihyun are looking at him. It’s like he’s not even in the room. Hyungwon has yet to move. He doesn’t know what to say. 

“Then I’ll be going now, boss,” Hoseok emphasizes the title. Kihyun’s hand grips into a fist. “But you should know that the uptown office received the envelope safely.”

He shuffles over, slapping the papers on his desk. Only Hyungwon flinches back.

“Is that all?” Kihyun asks weakly. 

“If you wanted an update on me? Well, I think my place is looking clear enough to go back to for the night.”

“What?” He gasps, but catches himself. “I mean. Are you sure?”

“Very.”

Hoseok leaves without another word. Kihyun looks like more than anything that he wants to run after him. Hyungwon is waiting for him to, but he doesn’t. He’s locked in place, glaring holes into the shut door.

A dark guilt settles in his throat. He is the one who continued to push out his frustrations. He’s been out of his head, refused to look for any other solution than confrontation. And what did it get him?

-

His brother is antsy for the next few weeks, similarly to when he first took over his position. It’s never as bad, but there are moments when he gets close. 

He accepts no back talk at meetings. He spares no scolding for those who slip from the topic to engage in side conversations. The loud slams of his fist against the wood of his desk bounce off the walls, cutting off any other sounds. Soon the room is afraid to breathe.

Everyone gets the message fast.

As soon as the meetings end, Kihyun heads back home, passing up any offers for drinks or dinner. Their uncles are the only ones brave enough to speak to him, but still he refuses them. Their persistence doesn't last, as they eventually decide to wait out the shift in behavior.

Kihyun nearly avoids Hyungwon altogether, aside from when it's time to eat. Even in the same house, there are ways to avoid each other. Their rooms are completely separated, and any common rooms remain untouched. The only time they come close is when his brother cooks for them both, but then he manages to escape the table when the food is served. 

They share no words in all of the time, even when he knows he needs to apologize. He doesn’t reach out himself, afraid of what to say and where to go. He knows how to press his brother, Kihyun vice versa, they’ve grown up pulling at each other’s strings. While more often than not there is no harm to it, that night he stepped on a landmine. 

He doesn’t know how to fix it.

He thinks giving Kihyun space is the best way to go. Hyungwon purposefully antagonized him, and Kihyun probably knows it. He just didn’t expect Hoseok to walk in at that exact moment. That doesn’t mean much, when he shouldn’t have started at all.

It’s a pretty pathetic excuse on his part. 

Because now Hoseok and Kihyun barely speak to one another. 

His presence disappears from their lives outside of work. He doesn’t know how he didn’t realize how close the two were before. They don’t share meals, he doesn’t stay the night, he doesn’t linger in the room when business is settled.

Suddenly, there is no looming presence by Kihyun’s side. He’s always been there, under a lock and key. With a gentle heart and soul, it’s questionable how he had ended up in this business. Say it was just to be by Kihyun’s side? He would believe it without needing any other reason or further explanation. 

All along, he failed to see that Kihyun’s person is and always has been Hoseok. 

The duo has shared endless heartfelt moments from their early childhood. Birthdays, vacations, to the unspecial times where the higher ups wouldn’t spare them the time of day and they had to keep each other company. Every captured photograph has smiles plastered on their faces.

As they grew older, his smiles become a rarer site. Kihyun is determined to never look weak. His pride and image outweigh the need for sentiments, even with his own family. 

Behind closed doors is when Kihyun can get away from the restrictive mentality. He couldn’t tell his father his struggles to handle the pressure, and Hyungwon was too young to understand. He has Hoseok. Had. 

And it’s his fault.

He wanted confirmation of what he already figured out, but refused to believe. Something about a verbal confirmation would make it real. He couldn’t see it was okay until he was given permission.

He’s desperate to get them back, but spends too much time thinking about the words.

-

It takes all of three weeks for Hoseok and Kihyun to have a normal conversation again. 

Assessment meetings happen three times a week, and Hoseok comes to them all without fail. Conversation between him and anyone else is strictly business related. He doesn’t take any time to speak more than he needs to. Surprisingly, Minhyuk takes the lead in a few meetings, rather than have Hoseok go up to the room.

It’s a new routine that he hopes he doesn’t have to get used to.

There has been no trouble on the streets, but still Kihyun's eyes are sunken and grey. At night when it's silent enough, Hyungwon can hear pacing on their upper floors. The other hasn't been sleeping, but he still pulls himself together in the face of business.

For the first time in a while, Hoseok isn’t immediately out of the door. Kihyun sits firm, his chair probably shaped to him. He’ll sit long enough so that they’ll be the last to leave back home. Even Minhyuk and Hyunwoo shuffle out the door before him.

He notices the two are close in distance. And Hyungwon knows he shouldn’t eavesdrop, but in this case, his curiosity gets the better of him.

“How has your place been?” his brother asks. Though the question itself is casual, Kihyun’s hardened work voice comes through.

They’re not the most quiet duo, but maybe Kihyun wants to avoid the hostility of whispered secrets. Out loud, it’s casual. Hyungwon stands near, ignoring a conversation regarding a scheduled weekend lunch.

Hoseok briefly lifts his eyes from where he sorts the evening’s files, but continues stuffing the folders. He has a new assignment for himself and a few others. It can be physical business, but not without a paper trail when it comes to the city propoerty.

“Why?”

“Don’t I have a right to make sure you all are alright?”

“Are you going to send protection to my place?”

“If that’s what it takes for it to be safe then yes. I’d even do it myself.”

Hoseok flicks his eyes to Kihyun, intrigued for a second, but turns back. He stands, closing the file cabinet.

“It’s been quiet, at least I think it has. Any nights that I’ve had meetings, I take the back ways to Hyunwoo’s.”

The chair squeaks.

“Is that so…” He grips the edge of the table. “Better than taking a risk being alone. I hope his place is secure.”

Expression going watery, Kihyun starts to fiddle with a ballpoint pen.

“Hyunwoo’s house isn’t the same,” Hoseok whispers after. 

He’s continuing the conversation. 

“I’m sure you’re used to it by now, though.”

“Sure, the couch and I are well acquainted. It’s leather, I wake up sweaty. And Changkyun’s the one keeping him company.”

He twirls the pen a few more times, mesmerized by its spin.

“If Hyunwoo’s place is too.. crowded. You’re always welcome back on my couch.”

“I am?”

“Yes. Only you,” he adds. “Don’t think you can bring Hyunwoo and Changkyun over.”

For a moment, the two just look at each other. The room is crowded, filled with mindless back and forths, yet it’s like only they exist.

_“I really can?”_

_“Only if you want to.”_

_“Do you want me to?”_

_“Yes, I do.”_

He reads from their lips, because they’re finally quiet enough that he can’t hear anymore. Kihyun’s eyes sparkle bright enough to break through the thickest clouds. They’re finally okay.

Later that evening, he says nothing more than a greeting when Hoseok accompanies them. The two offer to make him a meal, but he retreats to his room telling them both that he’s heading to bed. 

Relieved his brother has smiled for the first time in weeks, he sleeps well. An apology will come from him the next chance he gets.

-

“I’m sorry.”

The two have gone back to a faux comfortableness. Kihyun is no longer angry. At Hoseok. They themselves are the ones that haven’t solved anything.

He waits for a night that Hoseok isn’t over, because 'his house is safe again.' Now that they’re alone, and not in the office where anyone can walk in, he wants to apologize. So he heads up the stairs and knocks on the door.

Kihyun stands at his desk mirror, slapping on a night cream.

“What?”

He walks over to the desk chair and takes a seat.

“For overreacting.” 

Then, he immediately understands.

“I shouldn’t have overreacted either.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I just.”

Was an idiot? Was frustrated?

“Just?”

“Was lost. I think I still am.”

Kihyun closes the container of lotion and sits on the bed. They can really see each other now, no disruptions.

“Lost about what?”

“It doesn’t make any sense, I know. I think I’m just having a hard time.” He rubs at his face to think, his cheeks are cold from the air conditioning. “Feeling,” he decides. “There are things I can and can’t grasp. That’s why I asked what I did. I know you care, but I wanted to hear it out loud for myself.”

“That I care about..”

He shakes his head. It’s about Hoseok sure, but more than that.

“That it’s okay to care about someone.”

“Did I ever make it seem like you couldn’t?”

“No, you didn’t. I think for a while I just lost the sense of it. Thinking that this is a business and there’s nothing else to it.”

He made things so difficult, when there was no rule set in the first place.

“I do.. care,” Kihyun startles him by continuing. “About everyone here. And Hoseok is my best friend. And Hyunwoo and Minhyuk, too. Maybe sometimes I do think about them more than I should. Don’t go telling your uncles because I shouldn’t be saying it.”

Hyungwon covers a chuckle. His brother isn’t always open, and neither is he, but that’s okay. They have a heart to heart when it matters. He doesn’t want to take such a moment for granted.

“And I care for you, of course, too. Don’t forget that. I want my brother hurt least of all.”

He wasn’t even thinking of himself, but it’s nice to hear.

“More than..” He thinks for a second. _Don’t do it again._ “Yourself?”

“Yeah, more than myself. But I won’t let it come to that. I won’t put anyone in unnecessary danger. I won’t put you where you don’t need to go." A light bulb goes over his head. "Wait, is that why you feel lost? Do you think you’re not involved enough?”

That's part of it. Getting into the business has never felt like a mistake. He wants to be included. In that second, he doesn’t quite want to get into it, preferring not to create another fuss. He’ll decide when it’s right to go after more.

“It’s a little like that. But, I’m not going to ask to get into anything if I’m not feeling right. I need a clear head first. But I think I’m going to be okay.”

Honestly. He can thrive in this business, and find something outside of it. And that’s okay.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Kihyun offers him a hug before he heads back down to his room for the night. It’s the best he’s felt about himself in awhile. 

-

He doesn’t bring up the topic again. 

He’s gotten over the burning curiosity, because what was unthinkable to his own mind at one point, he realizes he has been seeing all along. He doesn’t know everything for sure, but for what he does, he’s more happy to know his brother is happy.

Hoseok is back in their personal lives again, at first slow, but it doesn’t take more than a few days for him to be stuck like glue to Kihyun. 

The entire company seems to breathe a sigh of relief when they notice Kihyun is no longer on edge. No one questions him, too afraid to ponder what could have aggravated him. 

Their house is normal. Work is normal. Business flows without issues. They go on as they did before.

But, the elephant in the rooms arrives once more. And there’s no way to avoid it when Hyungwon catches them. 

Kihyun and a few colleagues head on a business trip that lasts nearly a week. Hyungwon is advised to stay home, and do nothing really. His brother was adamant he keep inside, especially since no meetings are to be held at the office in his absence.

It gives him time to do all of the things normal young adults would do. He sleeps in, every single day. He stays up to ungodly hours of the morning. The schedule doesn’t mean much though, as the time muddles together.

Sorting through the game systems he barely spends time on, he decides to start them up. The packages are in almost perfect condition, leaving him to wonder why he hasn’t used them at all. He ends up inviting Changkyun and Jooheon over, they bring along a few friends that Hyungwon knows casually. It makes the days less lonely, and he doesn’t realize how much he needs the company. 

So his sleep schedule is a mess and he doesn’t go out. He manages some social interaction and eats well. If it weren’t for Kihyun, his diet would have completely collapsed. The elder leaves him with packed and dated meals so he has no chance to starve. Without them, he’d probably have chips for breakfast.

On the final night of his brother’s absence, a knock on the door brings him to. He’s eaten and grown bored of the games, so he’s sitting on the couch, television playing some old time romance movie on the screen. As he eyes the clock, he sees it’s after 11 pm. The moon rests high, clear in the night. Its light filters through the open windows, and he wonders how long he’s been sitting.

He stretches his back once he stands, every joint pops. He’s lucky he didn’t cramp up.

Through the peephole stands Changkyun again. He’s a bit younger than Hyungwon, and one of the people he’s closest to considering everyone in the business seems to be older. 

He got in because he had nowhere else to go. Kihyun nearly refused him when they first met, seeing no need to drag a teenager into their business. But in the end, what he needed was a place to belong. It didn’t help that he was persistent, so Kihyun gave him a spot.

“Sorry, hope I didn’t wake you.”

“You didn’t.”

He’s been awake for hours, the harsh television gleam burning his sockets. 

“Good then. Hyunwoo and I finished up the proposal for a future office. I know your brother isn’t back yet, but we wanted to drop them off real quick before he comes tomorrow.”

“Of course. Get home safe.” 

“Night.”

Changkyun waves him off after handing him the packet. In the distance he can see Hyunwoo in the driver’s seat of the car waving goodbye. It’s nice to see them, too.

He heads back inside, alone. The film credits are rolling, and he doesn’t think he wants to sit through what’ll come on next.

Feeling more awake, he packs the documents into a case and decides to head for the office. He doesn’t want to sit around any longer after wasting the week.

It’s late, he knows, but he can handle himself. It’ll be a short walk to make copies, and he can head back. He grabs a long coat and beanie, before locking the door and heading out. 

He makes way to the building. Most of the lights are out, which he’s not surprised about. The security guard waves him through after flashing an ID card. Up the elevators, exiting to the 5th floor, he heads straight to the office.

His hands hover over the keys in his pocket. And he stops.

Inside are voices, too muffled by the walls to make out. The light of the side desk lamp glows softly through the hazy window pane. Not many people have the keys to the office, but he can’t ignore the possibility that someone has broken in.

He inhales deep, draws his knife from his side pocket, preparing himself for what he’ll find.

And with what he does, he might as well use the knife on himself.

Hoseok is splayed out over the desk, shirt long gone, belt tossed to the floor, zipper down, jeans over his hips exposing himself. There’s a thin sheen of sweat over his chest and forehead. The wood screeches as he drags his wet fingers over. On top of him, with a knee wedged between the large man’s legs, and hands pressed against his shoulders to hold him down, is his brother. His face hovers over the other’s neck, but with the sound of the door, the two rip their faces away from each other.

The giggles cease. Hyungwon loses grip of the case; it collapses, scattering the papers to the floor. 

Kihyun and Hoseok pull themselves apart, trying as quickly as they can to fix their disheveled states. Kihyun looks no different than Hoseok, tousled hair, exposed chest, flush covering his face and shoulders.

He shuts his eyes after the initial shock, but it’s too late. The image is ingrained into his mind. He's ready to throw himself into the river, but instead he’s frozen, standing still while surrounded by the sound by snapping buttons and rising zippers. 

“What are you doing here,” his brother yells, but there’s no edge to his voice. He chokes on shaky words.

Hyungwon dares to peek an eye open, and thankfully finds them both fully dressed. Hoseok isn’t looking him in the eyes. Behind his expression, Hyungwon can tell Kihyun doesn’t want to either, but he’s trying to keep up the front.

“What am I doing here? What are you two doing here? What are you two doing?”

“He’s already caught us…”

“Hoseok, shut your mouth.”

Cue feeling like the world’s greatest idiot. For what it’s worth, now he knows for sure. 

“What are you doing here?” Kihyun demands once again.

“Here to go through some papers Changkyun dropped off. What are you two doing here? On your desk,” he grimaces.

“We’re..”

Hoseok doesn’t say anything. Kihyun looks at him, but his mouth stays shut. Instead, he looks back expectantly. As if he needs to hear the words too.

“Sleeping together?” Hyungwon offers, even if the words are sour on his tongue.

“Yes. Well no. Yes, but that’s not it.” The tips of Kihyun’s ears go red. He’s never seen him so embarrassed. “We’re just. Together.”

The room is so silent, a pin could be dropped and heard. The burning question has finally been answered.

“Why couldn’t you tell me?”

“You weren’t supposed to know. No one was supposed to know.”

“Is it that bad? For him to know?” Hoseok jumps in. Maybe Hyungwon has been pushy, but Hoseok looks like he could use some security as well.

“That’s not what I meant.. I want everyone to trust me. That I’m treating everyone fairly. They already don’t think I’m responsible enough because I’m 24.”

“Kihyun,” Hyungwon interrupts. “When everyone here tells you they trust you, they mean it. I can’t think of anyone else they’d put their faith into. I shouldn’t have gotten mad, I just thought you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

“Of course I trust you. I just didn’t think I could.”

It’s no surprise that they’re all hiding their insecurities and doubts.

“I’ve never looked down on you. I’m serious.”

Rather, he wishes he was more willing to go out and get what he wants like the other.

“I believe you.”

So maybe he can’t really help but wonder.

“Then?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow. “How long have you two?” He tilts his chin towards the desk.

“We were going to clean it up.”

“Please, that’s disgusting and not what I meant. How long have you two been seeing each other.”

“Officially?”

“Yes?” Strange question-

“Over two years.”

“And.. unofficially?”

They put in on the table, he might as well ask.

They look at each other, racking their brains for an answer. How do they not know?

“Maybe the first time was in our first year of high school?”

“Okay gross. I’m leaving. Please don’t come home tonight.” 

-

Getting an answer isn’t the life altering realization he thought it was going to be. Sure, he knows for certain his brother is happily taken. But now, he’s more disgusted by their affection. It’s everywhere, and he wishes he could unsee it.

Any sort of real changes will come from him, and he quickly puts in the work for it without having a goal in mind. Work a little bit harder, fix his sleep schedule, don’t be afraid to go out and make friends. It’s a very small start, but at least he’s making an effort to get on track.

The clouds in his head haven’t completely dispersed, but he knows someday they will. And he looks forward to it.

He’ll find his answers, then create even more questions.

One more finds his way into his mind.

“Are you ever going to tell him?”

“Tell who what?”

“Hoseok. That you love him?”

He has a clearer idea for the timeline of their relationship. A messy one, filled with plenty of doubts, but the past doesn’t take away from their future.

“You say that as if I already haven’t.”

“Ki? You have? I didn’t know.”

“He’s the only one who knows, because it’s meant for him only, but I guess now you do, too.”

“Not even Hyunwoo or Minhyuk?”

Kihyun stretches the newspaper in his hands, hiding behind the sheet. He's embarrassed to talk about such a subject.

“Funny how they pry less than you do.”

“So what’ll happen?”

“With? Us?”

“Yeah, are you going to tell anyone?”

The office door opens without a warning. His brother sighs.

“Hoseok..”

“Am I interrupting?”

Before he stiffens, Hoseok steps back, probably replaying what happened last time he walked in on the two.

“We were just talking. Come in, close the door.”

He shuts it, walks over to the desk warily, but takes a seat on the surface.

“About?”

“You.” “Nothing important.” The siblings say at the same time.

“About me?” He laughs. “Something I shouldn’t know?

There’s a tinge of nervousness, and Hyungwon doesn’t blame him. It's hard not knowing some things for certain. Even worse to think everyone knows something else you don't.

Kihyun draws out another long sigh.

“Nothing bad. There’s nothing I’ve ever hidden from you, anyways. And would never hide from you.”

While Hoseok’s eyes soften, Hyungwon’s go wide.

“Then?”

“Us.”

“What about us?”

Kihyun takes Hoseok’s hand, and for a second, Hyungwon wonders if he shouldn’t be here to intrude on such a moment. Their fingers intertwine, gently pulling together in the space they’re meant to be in.

But he did ask to know. 

“I’ll make sure nothing takes this away.”

**Author's Note:**

> My knowledge of the first Godfather movie did not help here because this fic had nothing to do with the business.
> 
> Check me out on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/imwhatistan/)


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